Gothic News: "Relief Not Bombs" Group Responds to Florida MOAB Test

(Gothic News Service, 3/12/03)

Ashington, the small Florida community next to yesterday’s MOAB (Massive Ordinance Air Blast) test site on which the Air Force exploded an 18,000 pound bomb became the center of actions by a group known as the Banana Relief Collective. The MOAB - which is considered almost as "as good" as an atomic bomb - is designed to send a devastating wave of fire over hundreds of yards to kill troops and civilians, flatten trees, destroy buildings and take out significant portions of cities. These potential effects were not lost on the shattered nerves of the Ashington community. About 20 Banana Collective Relief members arrived in the village shortly after the bomb’s detonation. Each Member mostly in their twenties and early thirties - was easily and somewhat humorously identifiable by a conical-shaped, single banana leaf hat, carefully held together by a white and lavender pen inscribed with the words, "Relief Not Bombs."

The Collective’s members each standing besides shoulder-high stacks of banana leaves on several of Ashington’s downtown corners generously offered to make and put hats on each of the local adults and children. In an hour’s time, the streets, local groceries, ice cream and coffee shops were filled with the sight of a wave of bobbing green hats as citizens worked to dispell MOAB’s intense vibrations and aftershocks. (Gothic News Services’ Google investigation of healing oriented web sites revealed that the banana leaf is, in fact, alleged to absorb heat and anxiety among traumatized populations.)

One of the most popular distribution sites was the parking lot outside the local drugstore where the pharmacist, Dale Rogers, reported a huge run on Kaopectate. "Incidents of diarrhea are epidemic and affect every age," he reported. "There is also a run on tranquilizers. People are almost too nervous to count their change. Maybe the banana leaves will work just as good as the pills."

"We welcome the efforts of the Banana Relief Collective," a Public Health Services Officer announced to a small gathering of reporters. Without elaborating, he continued, "We realize a Government bomb of this size sends all of us including the Iraqis - a message. Anything this group with its banana leaf hats can do to absorb the current epidemic of psychic apprehension, terror and physical fear this Administration’s plans for war is deeply appreciated."

Banana Relief Members as is apparently their custom refused to take questions from reporters and offered no web site contact information. One Ashington citizen, pushing back on the top of his hat cone, publicly spoke out against the test. "First it’s the election that turns Florida upside down. I still don’t know if that was legal or not, but this is worse. First we are maybe cheated, and now the President permits the Air Force to practically drop a bomb on us. Don’t they have any sense of decency, consideration or respect?"

As evening darkened, and the supply of banana leaves was exhausted, Collective members disappeared as quietly as they arrived. No one at the White House or Elgin Air Force Base claimed to have information on the group or whether or not the Collective has plans to go to work in a similar manner in Iraq and Baghdad.

(Stephen Vincent)

Posted by Brian Stefans at March 13, 2003 11:55 AM